I cry sometimes... and I hide that I have died

Told me once, you love me twice as much as anyone has in my whole life...

Now look at us, I'm your wife and all we do is fight.
Like, where you been? Who is this? Why have the bills skyrocketed? Without a kiss I hear the door get locked again and I miss the way we started this-
Used to be thin, now I'm pissed so I eat everything in the whole damn kitchen fridge...
We barely talk about a thing except the kids and how they got to be so big before we could teach them everything we wish we did.

The sky's rain is only a fraction of the pain swelling inside my brain, so big I can no longer constrain, maintain, restrain the lake of tears I need to drain from all the fear retained for all these years. As I sit here, I pray some day this sadness will begin to fade, disapear and the gates will open up again for us to see the life we want to lead is still within our reach.

Can anyone hear my heart's screams? Am I awake, this feels like a bad dream, mistake, a tragity you see on TV but never really know as your own.. I can barely breath, what has happened to our home? Where are you? Who am I? This isn't me...
All that's left of this union is the ring, please tell the truth, honestly, do you want me to just leave?
Seems like both of us stopped trying, thinking we could take two "I"'s and make a we-
Who are we kidding? Everyone we know can see.

 Instead of spilling all our dirty laundry on the streets, we're always lying about our feelings to keep the peace, but now we're so far down, how can we be anything but beat?

I'm so tired of concealing, acting like we're dealing with the pile under this mat that's been building up since we stopped looking back; ignoring whatever happens as if these masks will hide the trappings of the taxes we've charged our hearts with just to be a part of this thing we call our love that feels more like a job we want to quit, throw in the towel and give up on .

Each reaction bleeds with dissatisfaction before we see the distractions of what society has made us think we have to be to be elite. Who knows where I'm going.. If we started showing where we've been it would take a forest of trees to write in pen the truths we have hidden.

It sounds jarring but if you were sorry then you'd start doing things different.
I'm quitting the deceit, tell the children we're done, over, it's time to file for the D.

This is our D-date, so please take the time to awknowledge the damage that we make with all our arguing and admit there's nothing left for us to break, we're just fondling the peices of all our past mistakes.

See me and you were meant to partake in the creating of a crate, box, unit, family and instead through your demanding and my blaming everything on bad timing or thinking I had no rights or time for me, or you just turning out the lights when I would be confronting of how you treated something you said you needed to live happinly ever after like it was nothing... We became a natural disaster. 

Truth be told, to tell the truth, all there's left is resentment of the fact that we ever said I do...

What's the use... It's cheaper to keep her he says, then let this chicken fly the coop..

So we sink in deeper to a position where we stoop to a standard where we live in opposition based on loot.. We hide behind the recognition of what the public views as a power couple, so obliged, what a double life, I'm so tired of this disguise that looks like we have the upper hand when really our life's founded on quick sand. And now you're mad at me cause I let the rest of the players in the game see our hand, strategically you wish that we could placate around the pain to keep up image, looking like we live the dream when in reality we've blurred our vision, exhausted all our resources paddling up stream.

A breach is the only way to free these voice I'm battling inside my brain that I've come to know are my instincts screaming for me to flee the scene... I'm done pretending that marrying you fulfilled my dreams. Seems scary but we've expired so seems I'm ready to retire from this thing we call living. Love has been deseased for as long as I can remember so what does it matter if I too depart from this battle, and climb the latter to a land where joy has no end and pain has no way to begin again...

This is the last you'll hear from me, so stop calling and  please help me let our babies down softly when they ask you what's happening to dad and mommy.

Yours truly, An Angel Lost on Earth

To be known forever more as the one who's dolor had to shut the door on the old life that I chose.. I choose today to go forth making new choices to discover I'm greater then my past, I'm only what's here present in this moment and I declare my future is what I make today.

LOVE shines when you decide.

Through the "Teaching's of Abraham" by Ester and Jerry Hicks I have been reminded that Love is in all, in all ways, always. We are all Love. Love is constant.  

Feeling joyous comes from our choice to remove the fear stifling the full potential of our Love.

The enlightening cd's reminded me that love, like the electricity behind a light switch, is always present...

When we become afraid, uncomfortable or insecure and let fear take over our thoughts or behavior, it's like flipping the light switch off on Love: the energy is still flowing just as much in the wires behind the wall, the light is simply being restricted from shinning for us to see.

I believe the differing factor which determines the levels of happiness we each feel, is based in how much we are personally choosing to have love govern our every thought, decision, behavior, action. Let yourself need for nothing as we have all we truly need. Any lack we see is of wants that we perceive to be missing.

IF you want something, THEN ask and you shall receive. IF you truly believe that your dreams can become real, THEN your reality will be your dreams come true.

In every instant there is LOVE or fear.
You choose how you feel.
Pick your perspective.
By changing your mind, you are changing your life.

To feel harmonious in all moments of life, all we must do is accept that we choose what our life is.
(( WHAT'S CHOSEN, IS.))

In realizing the validity of the theory that our life's "now" is a culmination of the thoughts we've had and actions we've previously made, we are then able to see the power in making a conscious effort to choose what frame of mind are decisions are being made from... Are you acting out of fear or love??
Love or fear is all there is in any given moment, PICK ONE! Pick love and run.

To feel joy in every moment, make a conscious choice to pick a mindset of Love, where there is no fear allowed. Force a smile every time you get the urge to cry from sadness and soon enough the sadness will transform into understanding, acceptance, forgiveness and then gratitude. We can be thankful for everything in knowing whatever has happened has a positive purpose. All that you are presented with in life can be seen as a gift in that every obstacle is simply an opportunity to succeed if that's how you choose to look at it. Any experience can be considered a success as long as we learn from it.

Have the courage to be honest, even if at first it's just with yourself.

The more we "deny denial" the lighter our lives feel because without the lies our fear is healed.

When love is all you grow then love is all you know.

"Talk to me, I know you
Walk with me, I'll hold you

Honestly, I love you."

LAX - JFK

Dearest G.O.D.,

Our Guidance Of Divine, your love is my life. Thank you for this life. Thank you for this Earth. I am here to serve all good in existence and believe in the guidance of divine love.
Thank you for choosing me to spread joy, giving me this body to please all who I am able to reach and for filling me with the energy to share my love in every moment.
I accept my duties as a leader and commit to sustaining the will power necessary to lead by example. I am ready for the responsibilities I am meant to endure and have gratitude that I have been chosen to graciously shine light on the ways of living positive lives for my loved ones.
You, my sweet Father Sky, Mother Earth, are the blessings I count when I know the feeling of family and the beauty I know has created us all. May I be kind in your image, may I be generous in my giving of good energy, may I see only positivity in the perspectives I choose and may I live in the peace of Truth.
Thank you, your guidance is greatly appreciated, your love is my teacher and I understand all I see is but a mirror of me. I'm thankful you have so creatively provided me with no needs and my wants are only to be as beautifully serene as my unique being's soul may be. Please keep our universe safe, know that I support your efforts and am doing my part to create vibrations of the highest physical dimension during my time here in the sacred temple of my body.
Ask I ask for your guidance in doing my very best, I thank you for all the love I receive showing me the light that leads me to be the purest I can be. Thank you for loving me naturally as I find my way, define my place and love my space. I love you. You are me, I understand I am you. Thank you.

I affirm with positive intention: "
As I close my eyes to rest tonight, I see my day to come is bright with love. Thank you for all of the above."

All love, all ways, always.
One with you, Loving.
London

Are you hiding still??

The way we get more zits when we wear more makeup & then we wear more make up to cover up the zits we get from wearing it in the first place, is the same perpetual cycle as lying..
The more you lie, the more you need to cover up and the more cover up stories you tell the more lies you're getting into..
Wash yourself clean, it's always the right time to do the right thing.
Believe the truth will set you free and enjoy being exposed naturally as the authentic beauty you are.
We are each unique and will continuously enjoy life more as we see that I can never be you and you will never be me. So instead of trying to change who we are to please others, it's important that we remind ourselves: people will love you for showing your true colors and being honest, no doubt!

HAPPY 2012, Day 3 :)

Today commit to:
Pick your perspective and all can be enjoyed, knowing everything has positive purpose <3